Ten years later
by gfaerie
Summary: Ten years after a hard breakup two former lovers meet in the cafeteria of their old school.
1. Ten years later

It couldn't be her, right? Surely it wasn't her. And then she looked up. It was her. Hisao remembered the first time he saw those great big green eyes and his heart skipped a beat. What was she doing here? Sitting alone at a corner table reading a magazine and sipping a milkshake.

"Emi?" Hisao murmured to himself. What are the odds, meeting your high school girlfriend in the same school ten years later? She hadn't noticed him yet. For a split second, he thought of simply ignoring her and continuing on with his day. But he was no longer that insecure angsty schoolboy, with raging emotions and absolutely no sense. He was a teacher now. How could he inspire (and sometimes lecture) his students about owning up to their unique challenges if he couldn't even muster the courage to face his old ex-girlfriend? So after paying for his food, he strode over to the table. As he approached he slowed his stride without thinking. She looked up. At first, she didn't recognize him. Then for a split second uncertainty and fear flashed before her eyes. But at last her face split into a huge grin and she flew up from the chair. Time has apparently not sapped her boundless energy.

"Oh my god Hisao!" she cried as she threw her arms around him. But not in the way she used to. There was still a restrictiveness in her embrace. From an outside viewer, it would seem that she didn't hold back at all. But Hisao knew better. Their history was still like a wall between them. No matter how close she was, she was still so far away. It was as if time had stood still.

"Hi Emi, nice to see you," he said in the most stable voice he could muster. She let go and released him, still beaming that subtly constrained smile.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as if doubting her own eyes. They sat down.

"Ehhh...I am actually a teacher here. Science. Been here for two years now."

"That is so cool! I knew you would make it!" she grinned and punched him lightly but the smile didn't reach her eyes. Her mask was on fully now. She had perfected it over the years.

"And you? What are you doing these days?" he inquired when she didn't follow up. He tried to put as much enthusiasm in his voice as he could to cover up the fact that his heart still broke when he saw her put up that shield in front of her heart.

Her smile slipped just a fraction. Hisao was willing to bet there were not many people who would have noticed. But he was one of them. Emi waved her hands nonchalantly.

"Oh a little of this, a little of that. Right now I'm...doing some cleaning." She pointed at her uniform which at closer inspection bore the name of a local cleaning company. She tried to keep her voice light. But there was bitterness there.

Their eyes met across the table. He wanted to ask what had happened. The promising running girl, so full of life. Dreaming of becoming a pirate. Ten years later it seemed her prospects didn't look too bright. But he couldn't. That kind of questions is what had driven them apart in the first place. The awkwardness reached its peak. She knew that he knew. She knew that he could see through her facade. And she hated it.

"Look. I wouldn't have taken this job if I knew you worked here. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable in your workplace. First thing tomorrow I ask to switch. It's just...it's just... you know the market isn't too great for cleaning right now."

"No!" Hisao almost yelled out loud but caught himself. "No. There is really no need for that. We are both adults, right? And besides, that was a long time ago." He forced a chuckle. In his head, it sounded like a cat dying from diarrhoea.

"Yeah. I guess." Emi responded. She flashed a smile. A genuine smile. Full of uncertainty. Her gaze fell again.

"I heard from Rin you got married," she avoided his eyes.

"So you and Rin are still friends?" Two could play that game. He could also avoid subjects.

"We email and stuff. Since she moved to France it's been less and less. Work keeps her pretty busy." Emi was stirring was left of her milkshake with her spoon, eyes down.

"She's in France? Wow! Good for her."

"Yeah. Good for her." Emi still would not look up.

Silence again. Stretching out like a sea between them, carrying her even further away. Hisao broke the ice the only way he knew.

"Divorced. She left me a year after the wedding."

Emi looked up and compassion shone from her like the morning sun. Having had so much pain in her own life she had always been really good at empathising with others. When Hisao had first started at Yamaku he had been lonely, afraid and not a little bit resentful over his lot in life. His heart had been cold. And then she has swooped in like a roaring firestorm. And that girl was still in there, somewhere. That eagerness to help, that willingness to do what felt right no matter the consequences, that fearless unconquerable spirit. That which had made him fall in love with her. It was still there.

"Oh Hisao I am so sorry" She didn't pity. She never pitied. She just instinctively shared his pain. God, why had he let her go? A jagged piece of metal thrust into his heart as he remembered how he had pestered her for answers, for commitment. Rushing the relationship to places she wasn't ready for. Killing the budding love before it could blossom. He hadn't known any better at the time. But then again nor had he known his wife had been cheating on him. Perhaps it was time to admit that relationships were not his strong side.

"It's alright," he managed. "We weren't right for each other". Without thinking he echoed her last words to him when they broke up ten years ago. He still held Emi's gaze. She opened her mouth as if to speak but closed it again. She looked at him from under her bangs. She hadn't lost any of her beauty, that was damned sure.

"I guess you weren't," she responded in a whisper. This time Hisao had to look away. The old magic was still there, like a can of gasoline waiting for a match. But it seemed the hurt and pain was still there as well. It was all too intense. He had to back away from it.

"So how come you are eating down here in the Cafeteria? What happened to the roof? Got old?" he teased, mirroring his old partner's way of hiding feelings with jokes.

Emi showed him playfully from across the table and stuck out her tongue.

"Look who's talking! When was the last time you did any exercise?" She stuck her finger into his belly that was somewhat softer now than last time they had met.

"I exercise daily. My mind that is," he grinned and tapped his head.

"Well, your mind is getting fat. And I will have you know that I like the music down here!" She did a cute little dance to the tunes blaring out from the speakers. Hisao grinned.

"You still run I take it?"

And her smile fell again for a split second before she pasted a calm expression on her face.

"Not as much as I'd like."

Hisao didn't understand. She had all but flown out of the chair when they had met. Obviously, she had prosthetics on and were not in any pain. So why wasn't she running? But he knew better than to ask. They spend the rest of lunch discussing their old school days, reminiscing about old classmates. Keeping it light. Not mentioning anything that had really mattered. At the end of it, all the bell rang and Hisao excused himself to go back to class. They both lied that it had been nice to see each other again and promised to have lunch again soon. One last hug and Hisao turned and started walking away.

But then he stopped. And turned back.

"Emi?"

"Hmmm?" She looked up from her magazine.

"I'm really am pretty out of shape..." Hisao started with a tentative uncertainty in his voice. The ice he was putting his foot on was thin as a paper sheet. Yet he couldn't resist.

"I'll say!" rang the response in clear teasing laughter. Her expression was unreadable.

Hisao opened his mouth as if to continue but seemly thought better of it, gave a polite nod and wished his old flame goodbye. His posture seemed to slump somewhat as he took the first step out of the cantine. Behind him, Emi rose. He could hear her take a deep breath.

"8 sharp tomorrow. You know where. Don't be late."

 _Authors note: Fixed a few spelling errors._


	2. Back on track

The morning breeze was making Hisao's hair stand on end. Jesus Christ he didn't remember it being this cold. A soft mist rested just on the ground, the faeries dancing away the last of the night before the morning sun scared them away.

Emi was nowhere to be seen. Hisao looked at his clock. Ten past eight. Guess she wasn't coming. He felt like an idiot. Well standing around here wouldn't make him less of an idiot. He looked out over the old track, recalling moments of youth. Like it was yesterday, he still remembered those first few laps around the track that first day. Racing Emi. Almost having a heart attack. And then later how good it had felt to be able to rely on your own body again. And how good it had felt to be with Emi. He smiled a sad smile into the approaching dawn. So many memories in this place. Maybe part of why things hadn't worked out with his wife was because he had never really gotten over Emi. Would she forever be the one that got away? Perhaps meeting her again had been good for him. Perhaps now he could finally move on. Picking up his towel and water bottle he started to head back towards the school.

But then he thought: What the hell, he was already here anyway. Might as well take a lap or two around the course for old times sake. It's not as if he would drop dead if he overexerted himself anymore. The medicine he was on now was far more effective and reliable than when what had been available during his school days. Worst case scenario he would get really winded and have to stop.

Old habits came back as he stretched his legs like Emi had taught him. His cold muscles screamed in protest back at him but he forced himself through every exercise before he finally put his feet on the track. The sun was peeking over the horizon as he rounded the first corner. To say it felt good would be a lie. His throat burned, his legs were ready to throw in the towel after ten steps. His heart of all things seemed to handle it the best. While it had certainly picked up its pace the beat was steady and strong.

After the second corner, something caught his eye and he stopped. The old shed in the corner. Where he and Emi had fooled around in the early days. But it was not the memories of youthful adventures that stopped in him his tracks. It was the fact that the lights were on. And the door slightly ajar. He should swear he saw a shadow moving inside.

Emi had that look on her face when he entered. That puppy-eyed insulted sultry look. And not much else. She had draped herself on top of a stack of training mattresses like a pinup girl, only a thin blue blouse on. Playfully she moved her hand to one of the two remaining buttons separating Hisao from heaven.

"You're late," she teased, raising a single eyebrow in challenge.

Emi had always been beautiful. But Hisao had always kind of thought that he had idolized his first girlfriend in his mind. That he had built up some kind of ideal woman that no one else would ever be able to match. And that if he ever saw her again the real thing would never be able to live up to that perfect picture he had in his mind. Looking at her not sitting there like a naughty mermaid on top of the dirty mattresses he could honestly say that that simply wasn't the case. If anything she was more beautiful. Especially those eyes. They could enchant him even when she was wearing as little as she was right now. Stunned as he was Hisao didn't see the first thing that was out of place. She wasn't wearing her running legs. Just her ordinary walking ones. And they looked pretty worn.

As if transfixed Hisao walked up to Emi. The short run had done nothing to shake his heart rate but seeing her here like this, being able to touch her, having her near him. That did the trick. There was a short stab of pain in his chest. Hisao bit down and pushed it down with all his might. At this point, he would rather die than do anything to spoil the moment.

His hands found their way through her hair and he held her head in his hands. She looked expectantly at him, daring him on. Her breathing was fast and her humble chest heaved with every breath. Sometimes that moment just before the kiss is even more magical than the kiss itself. This wasn't one of those moments. Kissing Emi again was like diving into the ocean after spending ten years in the desert. It was like finally coming home after being long lost. Everything else melted away and it was just the two of them. She kissed back with a fiery hunger, biting and exploring.

Those hands of hers raced towards his clothes like they offended her. In her urgency to get his running shirt off it stuck over Hisao's head. Emi, being Emi took the opportunity to lock her legs around him, pinning him fast. And then ruthlessly tickled his armpits and stomach as he struggled to free himself.

Finally, Hisao threw the shirt off and retaliated against the beaming Emi. She squeaked in pure joy and laughed so hard that she almost fell off the mattresses. That clear uncontrolled laughter, damn he had missed it. She was so full of life. It was like all her reactions and feelings were one size larger than those of any ordinary human. Hisao had never seen that in anyone else before. It's like she was drunk on life and everyone else was just having a sip.

The implications of that train of thought didn't immediately become clear in Hisao's mind. He himself was intoxicated on the soft lively beauty in front of him. But then Emi's breath his him full on as she pulled herself back up into his embrace, giggling furiously. The unmistakable smell of cheap whiskey filled his nostrils.

"Have...have you been drinking?" In one sentence he spoiled everything.

She didn't even deny it.

"So what if I have? I am a big girl! Now let's see if you are still a big boy!" She giggled and squeezed his crotch hard. Hisao groaned and Emi threw herself at him, locking him in a deep kiss. But as their lips parted, he just couldn't get that taste out of his mouth. It wasn't just booze. It was desperation.

"Yeah, but I mean it's a Tuesday morning..." The sun had just crawled over the horizon. And she was drunk as a skunk. Something wasn't right here.

Emi ignored him, still fumbling with his pants. One part of Hisao so fiercely wanted her to continue. But the better part of him stopped her, took her hands into his and carefully raised her head so that they made eye contact.

"What?"

"Emi... I mean: Are you ok?" Hisao tried to look deep into her eyes like they do in the movies. Only then did he notice that beneath the makeup she had dark rings under her eyes. Desperately he tried to find something in there to connect with within those green eyes. But it was like looking into a wall. Whatever moment they had shared was now gone.

Instead, she shot an angry glare back at him. "Look, if you don't want me you can just say so!" Emi covered herself with one hand, a hurt look spreading across her delicate features.

"That's not what I meant! It's just..." Fuck! Why did the words always desert him when he needed them the most? On top of that Hisao wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as Emi was. He looked at the girl who he hadn't seen in ten years. Part of him was furious with himself. She was right there, almost naked. If he would have just kept his mouth shut he would have been inside her by now. He so longed for that. God knows it had been a while. And with Emi nonetheless. But then there was that voice at the back of his mind who whispered that this wasn't really what he wanted.

"I need to get back. My shift is starting soon." Emi snorted, shook her head and started to button up her blouse again.

"Don't go" God that sounded pathetic, begging her to stay. An awful feeling of Deja vú was creeping up Hisao's spine.

"What? What is it you want? If I'm not good enough for you to fuck then what?" she demanded.

"Is that really what you think of me? That the only reason I am here today was to sleep with you?" Hisao spat back.

"Then why did you come?!"

"I came for you!" He blurted it out without thinking. A stunned silence hung between them for a split second. In the briefest of moments, Emi's face twitched and her mask wavered ever so slightly. And in that instance, the running girl was there again. It was like someone had switched on the colours. That which time had dyed grey and dull sprung back to life in the blink of an eye. And then vanished again. Emi started aggressively dressing as quickly as she could, a harsh expression on her face.

"I don't know who you think I am. But whoever that is, I am not her. You don't even know me. I'm a loser Hisao. A crippled loser. Who apparently can't even score a pity fuck from an ex! So just...just leave me be."

Hisao just stood there, his mouth hanging ajar like an idiot. One might think that he reacted at his former girlfriend calling herself a loser. That wasn't it. Everybody feels like a loser now and then. Hisao certainly hadn't felt like such a big shot since the divorce. It was that other word. Out of all people on this earth, the Emi he knew would be the last to name herself a cripple. Shocked to silence he could do nothing but watch as she bundled up her remaining clothes and rushed out of the shed.

 _Revision note: Fixed_ som _of the many spelling errors and rewrote some passages._


	3. For heavens sake, go after her

At first, it was like Hisao wasn't able to move. Of course, he wanted to go after her. But to say what? To do what? Everything that came to his mind would surely just make things worse. She was right. He didn't know her. Not anymore. Or perhaps he and never known her. Perhaps she had been so good at keeping him out that he, in reality, had no idea who she really was. Perhaps in his mind, he had made her into something she wasn't.

He took a step forward and something clattered across the floor. An old half-empty bottle of whiskey. So it hadn't all been in his mind. What could have happened for her to be like this? Drunk on a workday. Working a temporary job as a cleaner. Of course, he felt sorry for her, but truth be told there was nothing he could do.

It was time to give up on this unhealthy fantasy. It wasn't good for him and there was no chance in hell the two of them would ever end up together. Yes, the best thing was to leave this be. And she obviously didn't want to be with him. Not really. A quick tumble in a shed perhaps, but not really be with him. Not like he wanted. Hisao picked up his things and made ready to forget it all and continue on with his life.

But then just as he had decided to leave it all be he heard her cry out in a yelp of pain. And in that moment all the things he had convinced himself of just flew out like dust on the first day of spring cleaning and it all became clear. She was in pain. To hell with thinking. Who cares about reasons and reasoning. Why was he even still in here? He yanked the door open and sprinted out of the shed with all the energy he could muster.

Emi was lying on the track. She wasn't supposed to be lying on the track. She was supposed to fly across it. But that yelp of pain had somehow cleared Hisao's mind and as he ran he had somewhat of an epiphany. What the fuck had he been thinking? His thoughts drifted back to just after his own divorce. Who had been the people he had avoided the most? The faces he had hated the most. The ones who looked at him like his life was over. The ones who acted like there was nothing to him but sorrow now. 'Oh, poor Hisao'. 'You must be so devastated'. Yeah just rub it in will you. And who had really helped him? The ones who were simply there. Not the ones who pitied and wanted...wanted to fix him. Now, where had he heard that before?

So she obviously wasn't in the best place right now. If he really cared about her he needed to keep his own feelings in check and give her what she needed. And that sure as hell wasn't pity. And what gave him the right to look down on her in the first place? Truth be told perhaps what she had needed was what she has had in mind in the first place. Well, something told him that was off the table now.

Winded he stopped just next to her. Between wheezing breaths, Hisao managed to stammer.

"Having a rest?"

The joke was a huge gamble. She was a mess, her mascara running down her cheeks, eyes red and puffy. Looking down he saw that one of the straps holding her legs in place had snapped and the entire leg had buckled under her. The walking legs were not meant for moving quickly. She had probably pushed them too hard in her rush to get away from him. And being drunk probably didn't help.

At first, she looked pissed, then stunned. And then she managed a half sobbing laugh. He sat down next to her.

"Well if you are going to slack off, so am I"

Emi stopped crying. She looked at him half wary, half intrigued. At first, she hesitated. But then they started walking down the familiar path of jabs and insults.

"Look who's talking. At least I have this stupid thing to blame" She struck her broken walking leg with an open palm. "What's your excuse?" Her speech was slightly slurred but she recovered with amazing speed. Like she had a great tolerance for booze. Or had build one up. Hisao pushed those thoughts out of his head. Instead, her stretched out on the ground next to her, making himself comfortable.

"Me? Having a heart attack. Obviously." He stretched and yawned like a cat. Continuing in a theatrical lazy voice he droned. "Oh, aoh, it hurts so much I think...yawn...I am going to...AUCH!" The last one was real as she poked him in the stomach mid-stretch. They both smiled for a short instant before the awkwardness of the situation reared its ugly face again.

"So...how is your heart doing?" she asked carefully.

You tell me.

"Actually it is a lot better these days." He said in earnest. Then continued in a more joking voice. "Must be all that exercise when I was younger. Had this real slave driver..." Her free leg kicked him.

"Sounds like that ''slave-driver' saved your lazy ass!" She noted smugly.

"She sure did." Hisao looked up into the sky as he said it. If he would have said it to her face the moment would be over. And he wasn't ready for it to be over.

They sat there in silence for a while. The sun was still behind the treetops and the red morning light drizzled through the treetops. It was pretty darned romantic. Hisao fought back the instinct to take Emi's hand. The pink morning clouds hung in the air like rose petals strewn across the sky. From far away a ringing clock broke the spell.

"So you think we have had enough exercise for one day?" This earned him another laugh. He offered her his arm. For an instant she paused but then she let him support her as she stumbled up the hill towards the school buildings. Even though thirty minutes ago she had been all but naked and willing in front of him, this felt like the closest she had let him come to her in ten years. As they approached the main building and flat ground she started to dry her running makeup off her face and asked tentatively.

"Do I look ok?"

No. You look divine.

"Yeah, don't worry. You look ok."

"Look. I'm sorry for what happened back there. I just have a lot going on right now."

If everything you think of saying is crap then perhaps staying silent was a valid solution. Hisao tried it. I worked surprisingly well, earning him a weak smile.

"I guess this is it, I think I can make it from here. Thanks for helping me out. If there is anything I..."

"Go on a date with me." Where he got the confidence from Hisao would never know. It's was like all the sudden he didn't have anything to lose anyway.

"Hisao..."

"Just listen. No commitments. No serious stuff. Just fun. I promise. I know just the thing."

Emi looked at him, her mouth half open. Behind her eyes, a terrible war was fought. The scales were just even. All he needed to do was to tip them ever so slightly. Begging would do him no good. Nor would confessions of love. But something else just might.

"Unless of course, you have grown too old and lazy for a little challenge." He said casually, a mock haughty look on his face. Hisao couldn't help but smile at himself when he saw the fires flare in her eyes at his words. And the punch he got was almost as sweet as the passionate kiss they had shared not an hour ago.

"You ass! You're on!"

 _Revision note: Spelling error fixes._


	4. Argh matey!

It's one thing to be cool when you ask someone out in the heat of the moment. Quite another to keep that cool when the actual date is about to happen. Had he dressed right? Would she like what he had planned? Hisao sniffed his own armpit. Did he smell like sweat? Or too much cologne?

And of course the worst fear of them all. Would she show up at all? Hisao shook his head to try to chase the ghosts of insecurity away. It was a perfect day. The sun was smiling down on the warm autumn morning. The trees had just started to turn, slowly shifting from deep green to yellow. But it was still warm, the summer heat still had its claws into the land and was only very reluctantly letting go of its prey.

Emi did show up. Wearing a white summer skirt and loose pink blouse. With ribbons in her hair. Goes without saying she was a sight to behold. But from the first hug, it felt wrong. Like he had somehow tricked her to be here. That she had come out of some sense of obligation rather than of her own will. Which when Hisao thought about it actually was kind of true. He had manipulated her into agreeing to this. Worst feeling on a date? That your date would rather be somewhere else.

The bus ride was just as stiff and tense. They both tried to make polite conversation. How was work? Nice weather we've been having! Did you see that thing on the news? It was plain awful. Hisao swore under his breath. This wasn't how he had thought it would be. Sure she smiled at his poor attempts at jokes. Guess he should be happy at that. But it was a polite smile. It was like it wasn't really Emi that was smiling. It was her mask. At he had this horrible feeling that beneath it she wasn't smiling at all. It was the small motions that gave her away. The twitching of her fingers. That distant look when she gazed out the window in between their token conversations. Damn.

The bus finally stopped on a country road a fair bit outside the city. They got off and found themselves in a lightly forested area between two fields where the wheat had long since been cut. Birdsong and insect sounds assaulted their ears from all sides.

"So...where to now?" Emi asked casually but sounding a bit befuddled about the location. Hisao had insisted on keeping the activity a secret. So at least she wasn't bored already. And it's harder to find an excuse for something when you don't know what that something is.

"Eh..it's just a little bit further."

Emi looked around and said in a sad voice. "It's beautiful here but I can't really go hiking in these legs. Perhaps we should just..."

"Don't worry. Trust me." Hisao cut her off mid-sentence. He had gotten this far. Trusting the instincts that got him the date in the first place he took Emi's hand and led her down a path into the forest. She followed somewhat hesitantly. When after a minute or two they reached a turn where the forest seemed to open up he turned around again.

"It a surprise! So...close your eyes!" He could see Emi didn't like not knowing what was about to happen. He fingers fidgeted nervously around the corner of her blouse which was now totally crumpled.

"It will be fun!" Hisao forced himself to sound cheerful. Yet he had this sinking feeling inside. At last Emi closed her eyes, but now even her mask didn't look like she enjoyed it. Carefully he led her around the last corner and out into the sunlight.

They had arrived. It was do or die now.

"Ok, you can look now!" Hisao exclaimed, trying his best to sound confident and excited.

Emi opened her eyes. They were standing just in front of a small pontoon on the strand of a minor river that flowed and curled peacefully through the countryside. Tied to the pontoon were two canoes. And next to them two huge pirate hats, no doubt bought in a joke shop. Hisao bit his lip. He was so nervous what her reaction would be. And she just stood there, looking at it all. What was she feeling?

"I just thought we could...be pirates?" he began, starting to doubt the plan. Shit, it sounded so corny now when he heard himself say it out loud. Emi already seemed like she was in a foul mood. Looks like he blew it.

But then she swirled around in a flurry of cloth fluttering in the wind. Face beaming with excitement. There she was. The real Emi. And just like that, all the sudden, all the worries in the world simply melted away. With a squeal of joy, she ran towards the hats and picked up the most extravagant of the two. It was black with a huge blue feather stuck into the rim. And came with a matching eye patch. What had not ten seconds looked like a complete and utter failure now looked more and more like a hit.

"It fits perfectly!" she exclaimed and struck a pose. "How do I look?"

Hisao could help but laugh.

"Argh! I'll have yee keelhauled for that!" Emi threatened back and shook her fist at him.

They each took one of the life vests that were stashed next to the canoes and started to prepare for the trip. What little equipment they had with them was stashed in the front of Hisao slightly larger canoe. Just as they were getting ready to leave he heard Emi swear.

"What happened?"

"It snapped" She looked absolutely miserable, holding up her life vest. One of the main straps had given away. Looking at it the vest looked more than a little worse for wear. Several other straps were almost threadbare. Hisao made a mental note that he would have a long talk with the company who had rented him the canoes about checking their equipment. But here and now he had more pressing concerns.

"Here take mine!" Hisao said and jerked his life vest over his head. No way he was cancelling the date now over a goddamned piece of inflatable clothing.

"But then you won't have one!" Emi protested.

"Look the water isn't deep and I am a pretty good swimmer. It won't be a problem. I promise!" And he had the use of his legs. That kind of went without saying. Emi still looked doubtful.

"It's not like we are going white water rafting! If this river was an animal it would be a little bunny! Look at it!" The stream was a couple of meters across and meandered forward in what could comfortably be called a very leisurely pace. Hisao had made up his mind. There was simply no way he was backing down. So instead of continuing the argument Hisao moved to Emi's canoe and stretched out a hand so he could help her in. After a moment of hesitation, she slipped his vest over her head and gracefully put her hand into his allowing him to assist her into the canoe.

Hisao had indeed canoed before and even gone river rafting on his honeymoon. He tried his best to teach Emi the basics and she picked it up quickly. Before long they were gently gliding downstream together. The oversized pirate hats actually worked quite well to keep the still searing sun off their heads.

After a short while they stopped for lunch in a small grove just next to the river. Hisao tied the canoes to a tree and helped Emi ashore. After a little horrible acting, he presented her a treasure map and together they dug up the cooler full of fruits and cake Hisao had buried there yesterday. There was no doubt Emi was thoroughly enjoying it all.

For the first time since he had met her again, they talked. Really talked. Hisao kept his promise and stayed off the serious topics. But it was still real. Emi talked about a tv show she followed and what she thought of the latest season. Hisao talked about a concert he had attended before term started. He explained how his new medicine had made his life so much easier. She told him about her mother's new boyfriend. Real stuff, stuff they actually cared about. The teasing and flirting weren't far behind. Emi started to steal his food. Hisao seized the opportunity to feed her pieces of fruit. She purred like a kitten at this. The way to that woman's heart definitely went through her stomach.

After eating they just lay on their backs in the grove and pointed out silly shapes in the clouds.

Emi roared with laughter when Hisao pointed out that a cloud that looked suspiciously like a fertility symbol must have been what Rin had been looking for when she walked in on them that time long ago. They both seemed to remember that before they became lovers they had been friends. And so like a slow silent underwater current, unaware of the raging storm above the surface the bonds between them slowly started to knit together again. Totally uncaring about where the fiery physical part of their relationship might or might not be heading. In the end, nothing happened. There was no sex on the beach. The two packed simply up their lunch, got back in the canoes and let the river carry them forward into the beautiful autumn afternoon. And so the day carried on. They talked, they laughed, they had fun.

"Hey Hisao," Emi said at last. He could hear from the tone of her voice that she was serious. She was looking straight ahead.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Emi took a deep breath, still not meeting his eyes. "For being a gentleman last week. Most guys...I mean...you know."

Would have fucked you right there on the spot? Hisao didn't know how to respond. That he still wasn't sure he had made the right choice? That every time he saw her some primal part of him just wanted to rip her clothes off? Or how much it had hurt to see her like that, drunk and defeated? In the end, he simply nodded to her in what he hoped was a respectful gesture.

Emi lightened her tone and flicked her hair. "And for today! I can't remember last time I had this much fun." If there hadn't been two meters of water between them he would have kissed her right there and then. Instead, that familiar silence stretched out between them.

"So I guess it's about time we headed back" Hisao could not help but to sound a little defeated.

"No! Not yet!" Emi instantly responded.

"So what do you suggest? If we miss the last buss we have quite a walk back into town." Hisao raised an eyebrow and smiled, Emi's reluctance to end their date making his heart soar.

"We never go back! We stay here on the river! We'll be pirates! I can be captain and you can be my first mate! Or better yet: My parrot!" There was something quite manic about her voice. It never occurred to Hisao that she simply didn't want to go home again.

"Your parrot?! I am the only one with any experience here missy! If anything I should be the captain! You can be my wench!" That came out more forward than he had meant it. Still, the grin he got back told him the recipient didn't exactly mind.

"Big words mister. Let's see if you can back them up. Perhaps then I'll consider being your wench..."

"That sounds like a challenge, miss Ibrazaki." Good thing Hisao's crotch was below the railing of the canoe because the look Emi was pinning him down with was causing quite the reaction downstairs.

"See that bridge over there?"

Hisao had just enough time to whip his head around and see a small stone bridge some way further up the river when Emi's cheeky voice rang out again.

"First one there get's to be captain!" Emi's canoe surged ahead and Hisao's came to a complete stop as she used her paddle to push off against his railing.

"Cheater!" He recovered and started after her. She already had a good head start. Sure she was inexperienced when it came to rowing but she had this natural motor skill that meant she quickly got the jest of almost any motion in no time.

Totally unphased by his accusation Emi turned her head around and stuck out her tongue at him. "Alls fair in love and war!"

That was true. But which one was this?

With an evil grin, Hisao splashed his paddle heavily on the surface, sending a sheet of river water toward Emi. She yelped as it hit her in back of the neck, causing her back to arc when the cold water soaked through her shirt. Before she could retaliate Hisao took the opportunity to catch up. Hurling coarse insults certainly fit for pirates left and right he saw her grit her teeth and redouble her efforts as he passed her.

They were neck to neck. Hisao was stronger with longer arms but Emi had a better flow in her movements. Blood pounded in his head and his arms and shoulders ached from the effort. Even so ever so slightly she started to pull ahead. Even without experience and with less power she could outperform him. She wanted it more. Hisao could see before his eyes how she found her rusty yet still formidable will and started to focus it into a speartip with one purpose. To win. She was like a hungry bear waking from hibernation. Nothing would stop her now.

This was Emi at her Emiest as Rin had once put it. Eyes ahead focused on the goal. Agile body working in a harmonic rhythm. Powerful and elegant paddle strokes cleaving the water like a razor time and time again. Her canoe shot ahead with lightning speed. Hisao was making a decent effort but he could, of course, care less about the race. Not that he could have beaten her even if he so wanted. But his eyes were fixed on the girl. After all, this was the entire reason he had planned the canoeing trip. To see her like this.

"I'll make you a deal! If you let me salvage what is left of my dignity I'll treat you to dinner afterwards!"

"No deal!" Emi screamed back, voice full of triumph. She shot him a teasing glare.

"You will just have to buy me that dinner anyway..." Hisao just managed to catch a glimpse of her jubilant face before a dark worried shadow fell across it.

"Look out!"

Hisao looked forward just in time to see the old trunk of a tree sticking out of the water. His canoe hit it at an angle at full speed. In slow motion Hisao could feel the craft tuning on its side, tipping him in the water. He flailed and waved his arms desperately but it did no good. The surface of the water rushed towards him. He wasn't afraid, he even let go of a short laugh as the canoe capsized. So he would fall in the water. Big deal. Emi would laugh and scold him. He would splash her some more. Sounded just great.

But there was a second tree. Hidden just beneath the surface. So instead of falling into the river's cushioning waters he fell straight onto the hard stump. Pain spiralled like a web from where it hit him straight in the chest. For a split second, Hisao froze, fearing the worst. And then it came. THUMP. THUMP-THUMP. THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP. In an instant the pounding in his head became unbearable. His muscles locked in place. His chest cramped. He couldn't breathe. Water rushed into his opened mouth and nose and down into his lungs. After one last glimpse at Emi's terrified face, the muddy river waters closed in around him on all sides. And deep down in the dark something hard hit his head. The pain went away but the world went black.

* * *

"Wake up! Please Hisao, talk to me!" Emi sounded almost hysterical. She was giving him mouth to mouth. Part of him considered just lying there so she would continue. But that meant keeping his eyes shut. And he wanted to see her.

So he looked up. A mix of colours assaulted him. Blue sky, white clouds, yellow sun and green eyes. Apparently, he was lying down on the muddy ground. Emi was on her knees above him, the image of her filling his entire vision. Panting, soaked and covered in mud. One of her legs was missing. Somehow she must have managed to drag him out of the water and onto the riverbank. Without using her legs. Yeah, the girl he loved was definitely still in there. So like Emi. Giving up was never an option. Defeat was not an alternative. In another reality, he would probably be dead. But here and now existence itself had to bow its head in defeat to Emi Ibrazaki's iron will.

"Please! Say something!" Emi slapped him lightly on the cheek.

Only one thing came to mind. "You...you are not wearing a bra," he managed with a dumb grin on his face. The whole world was spinning.

Emi first looked dumbstruck like she hadn't heard him. Then she looked down at her soaked shirt. And last she sat up and burst out laughing.

"Here I am worried to death while you are checking out my chest?!"

What? The brain has to have priorities! Can't bloody well be expected to think of everything at once. So considering the options the response seemed appropriate:

Almost drowned. Can't move. Hard to breathe. Sick heart fluttering like a butterfly on the verge of throwing in the towel for good. _Meh, can wait. What's the big rush?_

See girl you love in wet clothes. Find out that despite the previous disaster that she still considers your date to be an 'underwear optional' situation. _Battlestations! All hands on deck! This is not a drill! I repeat: this is not a drill!_

Internally Hisao gave his brain a drowsy high five for clearly choosing the correct thing to focus on.

Emi stroked his wet hair out of his face and smiled benignly down on him. The image wavered before Hisao's eyes like they couldn't focus correctly. He felt something go pop behind his forehead.

"You are a right little pervert, you know that?" she said affectionately, stroking his wet hair.

"That...that's ok. As long as..." His eyelids fell down and the darkness descended again. He could hear Emi screaming that he had to stay awake. "...as long as..." But her voice was so far away. And the dusk was like a soft blanket that wrapped itself around him, calling him down into it's warm and cosy depths. "...as I can be your..." Inside Hisao smiled. If this was how he went, he could think of worse ways. Emi's voice in his ears, Emi's touch on his skin, Emi's wet shirt on his retinas.

"...your pervert" And with that, the lights finally went out.

 _Author's comment: Really appreciate the nice feedback I've gotten! I find it bloody impossible to try to gauge the quality of my own work. Thus every comment, positive and negative, is worth its weight in gold to me. So please don't be shy to tell if you feel there is something you feel isn't that good or could perhaps have been done better another way. /Faerie_

 _Revision note: Fixed spelling errors_


	5. The old ball and chain

Emi stood outside the hospital room. Or sat would probably be the correct term since she was in a wheelchair.

After the ambulance had come and rushed Hisao to the hospital it had taken Emi more than a day to collect herself and muster up the courage to come and visit him. This was after all not the first time she had put him in the hospital. Bitterly she thought back to that time during their school days when she had pushed him too hard on the track his heart had threatened to give up. And this time she had taken his life jacket and pushed him into a dangerous race. Emi could hear her mother's scolding voice telling her she had to be more careful and take better care of herself. And of the people around her.

Emi wished she could just handle Hisao like she handled everything else. Ever since her olympic medal had been taken away from her she had developed an easy three step program for everything that caused her so much as the slightest discomfort. Ignore, walk away and shut out of her life completely. If necessary drink and hook up with some random guy for comfort. That had actually been her exit plan with Hisao. Invite him to go clubbing, get smashed and fool around with someone making damn sure he saw it.

Emi never had trouble getting guys when she wanted. Dress slutty and play the novelty cripple card. Everyone wanted to know what it was like to do it with a cripple. Something to brag to your friends about the next day: 'Dude you would never guess what happened last night! I fucked this freaky legless girl on the toilet!' Once anyway Emi admitted to herself with a sad smile. Not many came back for seconds. In any case that way she wouldn't have to deal with these pesky feelings that had started to blossom inside her.

Their date had been amazing. It had made her about forget everything else. Her crappy job, her crappy apartment, her crappy life. It had just been her and him. Hisao was grown as a man in the last ten years. He was more confident, more secure in himself. But he still had that sweet streak in him. Normally she would have devoured a guy like that whole. But since he had rejected her that morning in the shed her confidence had been shaken. If she made a move would he reject her again? The thought terrified her. As a result they had built up this excruciating tension between them that only made everything even more confusing. After that date she would not have been able to go through with her original plan.

Well that wouldn't be necessary now anyway she thought bitterly to herself. God job Emi. Instead of just breaking his heart you had to go and break all of him. Well it could not be helped, it had to be 't let anyone in. She could not depend on anyone but herself. No, not even that any longer. Can't rely on anyone. But somehow it felt like he was already behind her barriers and it scared her witless. Time to nip these feelings in the bud and go cold inside. Some small voice in the back of her head was repulsed by that line of thought. 'Do you hear yourself?' it pleaded to her. She brushed that voice aside, steeled herself for the task ahead and pushed open the door.

Emi signed with relief. Hisao was not awake. That could sneak in, leave a card and be out of his life forever. But there was already someone in there. A tall voluptuous women clad in a fancy black dress sat on a chair next to Hisao's bed. Looking up from the stack of papers she was reading she shook her flawless straight raven hair from her eyes and scanned Emi from tip to toe. At first the woman didn't seem to know what to do, just sitting there with her mouth open. For an instant a look of regret crossed her face. Then she seemed to make up her mind and glared at Emi.

"I see. You must be the slut who nearly killed my husband."

She rose from the chair and went over to where Emi sat just inside the room. Rather than reaching out her hand to greet the tall woman simply hovered threateningly over Emi where she sat in her wheelchair. Emi fell in shade as the sun from the windows was blocked by the stature of Hisao's wife.

"My name is Ellen. Hisao's wife. So nice to meet you." Emi had to twist her head upwards to meet Ellen's gaze. Not knowing how to handle this sudden animosity she just gaped.

"He...he told me you were divorced." she managed in the end.

"Oh he did, did he? And you believed him? Aren't you precious. Well I can assure we are still very much married in the legal sense. So you can crawl back to whatever hole he found you in!" 'In the legal sense', weird way to phrase it, Emi's couldn't help thinking.

"Please, I just want to give him some flowers. Then I will leave." It had been her original plan anyway. And this way she didn't even have to leave a note. So what was this lump in her throat? "The nurse said I would be allowed to see him." Emi added when Ellen looked like she wanted to throw her out head first, wheelchair and all.

Ellen looked sour. "Well if the nurse said so then by all means. Be my guest." She moved out of the way and bowed mockingly, allowing Emi to pass.

As Emi started rolling her chair Ellen strode back towards the chair on the other side and sat down, swaying her hips as she walked. She sat down, adjusted her skirt and started studying Emi. Her face had an ugly look on it and she snickered to herself as her eyes explored Emi's body.

"Something funny?" Emi finally asked when she got tired of being scrutinized.

"Sorry, but you are so not his type. Can't imagine why he went for you." Ellen sneered.

"Excuse me?" Emi answered coldly.

Ellen responded with an equally cold laugh. "No offense, but you have to know you are not exactly top shelf material right? More like...damaged goods."

Emi stared back at her new nemesis with her teeth grit together.

"I mean you got the body of twelve year old boy. And the dress sense to match. But without the legs. Obviously. But then again Hisao has always been a softy. I guess he took pity on you." Ellen crossed her luscious legs and bent forwards to squash her ample bosoms together as if to say: 'Look at all that I have that you don't'.

Emi blushed. The viciousness was so raw. She had never been called ugly before. But she would rather go to hell than let this bitch get the better of her. "I guess I'd rather have no tits and no legs than no heart. And if he was ever married to you then it is he who should be pitied."

Unexpectedly that one hit the mark. Ellen turned slightly crimson in the face. "Your dare to lecture me about morals you little homewrecker? Do what you came for and get out before I call the nurse!" Ellen snapped and pretended to back to reading her papers.

Pushing down her anger Emi rolled over to Hisao's bed and placed the flowers next to it. There were no other flowers there but It was still hard to find a place for all the papers that were littered everywhere. Emi caught the word 'life insurance' on one of the them. Hisao was also wearing a gold wedding ring which he had most certainly not been wearing during their date. That finger actually looked more than a little bruised. Emi frowned and took a breath as if to speak but Ellen beat her to it.

"Well? Are you done?"

Emi closed her mouth again, not making the mistake of rising to Ellen's bait. She looked at Hisao one last time. Emi's anger at Ellen transferred to him. She wanted to scream and swear at him for his betrayal. Why had he lied to her about his wife? No it wasn't that. Why couldn't he just have nailed her and been on his way like all the rest? Why had he made her feel the way she did? And most of all she blamed him for getting hurt. He looked so fragile lying there with tubes and needles in him. Deep within her something soft started clawing it's way up towards the light. Something that was supposed to be dead. Something she was sure she had locked away for good. Emi fought to hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry. Goodbye." she whispered, bowing her head to the unconscious Hisao. She kissed her fingertips and placed them on his cheek. Behind her Ellen snorted in derision. Emi's head snapped up from the wheelchair and returned Ellen's condescending look with a furious glare of her own. Never had she so quickly learned to hate anyone like she hated that petty, pretty woman. Unwittingly Ellen winced under Emi's fiery stare but recovered instantly. She stood up from her chair, stretched herself to her full height and pointed towards the door.

"Now get the hell out. And never come near my husband again!" Ellen spat down at Emi, her voice full of malice.

Emi rolled out of hospital room and down the hallway. Finally out if sight of Ellen she didn't have to hold back the tears anymore.


	6. Unfaithful

Hisao opened his eyes. It was almost dark outside. A pair of dark eyes looked up from behind perfect dark-as-night locks of hair. She didn't waste any time.

"So. I met the girl. She was here." Ellen said quietly.

Fuck. Hisao could tell from the tone of her voice that he was in for it now.

"She said you had told her we were divorced."

Hisao didn't say anything. Actually he looked the other way.

"How fucking stupid are you? You know what would have happened if she had blabbed to anyone?"

"I know." Hisao said sullenly. Ellen liked to scold him and she was seldom wrong. Didn't mean he had to like it.

"They could have pulled the plug on you and let you die. That's what."

Ellen sat up and crossed her arms in a huff.

"We agree to only tell our closest friends! The ones we could trust! I haven't even told my mother!" Ellen bore down on him until her face was right next to his. "And I have been here for three days straight! Keeping up appearances, sleeping on the couch, eating awful hospital food so you could use _my_ insurance! As _my_ husband!" Ellen hissed between her teeth as she spoke. "And you go around telling random sluts we are divorced! Good fucking job Hisao!"

"She is NOT" Hisao almost screamed but Ellen locked eyes with him meaningfully and he continued in a more subdued tone of voice. "She is not some random slut".

"I know. Kind of guessed when I saw the wheelchair." Ellen sighed, a ghost of an apology on her face. "That was Emi right?"

"Yeah, that was Emi." Hisao swallowed. Why was she in a wheelchair? Had something happened to her?

"Were you mean to her?" he asked carefully. Ellen's eyes hardened.

"Kind of had to didn't I! If you had been awake it would have been one thing but I don't know the girl! Had to make sure she bought it. Had to play the part of the deceived wife. Couldn't risk it." Ellen snapped back, clearly feeling a bit guilty. "You probably have your work cut out for you." she muttered. Hisao smiled. Ellen could get real vicious when she felt stressed and cornered. And she was one hell of an actor. But he was sure that whatever she had done, she had not done it out of malice. She had done it because she cared about him. He had to find a way to explain that to Emi. But that would just have to come later.

"So...what did you think of her?"

"She's cute. Got some fire in her. Not my type though. Not enough meat on her." Ellen said haughtily. Then she sighed.

"Do you love her?"

"I think so" Hisao answered.

Ellen looked around and then bent down to whisper.

"Then perhaps it is time we gave up this charade and got a divorce for real. I went through your papers. If you stay another couple of months at your current job your insurance should be good enough to cover situations like these. Been thinking of coming clean anyway. My father will hate my guts but I have to face that sooner or later."

The still legally married couple looked at eachother for a moment. So this is how it would end.

"Hey Ellen?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For everything." He took her hand and squeezed it. Ellen managed a smile and a nod. Then she stood up, brushed off her skirt and made ready to leave. Hisao beckoned her close and she leaned in.

"Say hi to Maria for me." It was still hard to say the name. Ellen had indeed cheated when they were married. But Hisao couldn't really bring himself to blame her any longer. Must have been hard to live a lie.

Ellen snorted and whispered back. "Broke up with that bitch a long time ago. I am with Akemi now."

"Akemi from school? The one with the huge...? I mean...what was it you said...with more meat on her?" Hisao winked and grinned like a schoolboy. He too knew how to push his former spouse's buttons.

Hisao's wife rose with a sigh of disgust, lovingly gave him the finger and walked out. Leaving behind her giggling immature ex husband.


	7. Guess who's coming to dinner?

_Ding dong._

Hisao was so nervous he thought he would shit himself. Doped up on painkillers in the hospital it hadn't seemed so bad. Like something he could fix. Something to laugh about down the line. Like the time you thought I was cheating but in reality I was living in a fake marriage with my gay wife whose insurance I have been mooching off to stay alive? They would all laugh and have a giant orgy together with his wifes lesbian friends. And then live happily ever after. With cake. Like that.

Then reality had come crashing down around him. Back at school Emi had resigned her job. She didn't return his phone calls. And he couldn't find her address listed anywhere. In one fell stroke she had effectively cut him out of her life. He had even begged Ellen to call her and explain. His ex wife had been less than amused by this but had in the end agreed. Emi had apparently hung up as soon as she had introduced herself.

 _Ding dong._

So that left Hisao with but one option. If Emi would not talk to him directly he would have to talk to someone who could. Thus he once again found himself outside Emi's mother's house, praying that she hadn't moved. If so whoever lived here had the same loved of flowers that she had. The roses in the garden was in full bloom. Why did that make him so sad? It was as if beauty and sadness had been linked in his mind. The door in front of him creaked open.

Meiko Ibarazaki hadn't changed much in the last ten years. She still wore loose clothes that looked like a relic from the days when "Flower Power" was the coolest thing on earth. Right now, in addition, she was wearing an apron and was wielding a ladle in her free hand. It wasn't hard to guess what she was up to.

"Uhmm...hi Mrs. Ibarazaki. I am sorry if this is bad time, I don't know if you remember..." Hisao started.

"Hisao! Don't worry! Of course I remember you! Come in!" Meiko waved him in with a smile.

Hisao bowed his head, stepped over the threshold and took of his shoes. The house hadn't changed that much in the last ten years either. Meiko has already disappeared back into the kitchen.

"You will have to excuse me, I just have to finish up here first" she called.

"That's allright. Thank you for taking the time to see me" Hisao called back. He strode down the hallway where his eyes fell on a big board full of newspaper cuttings. Below them stood a pair of running legs. Dust had started to collect on them. He looked up again at the newspaper clippings.

 _Local talent wins bronze in paralympics._ And a picture of an overjoyed Emi along with several other beaming girls. Picture was taken one and a half years ago. Hisao's jaw dropped. At that moment Meiko walked back out into the hall, drying her hands on a cloth.

"Now! What can I do..." she stopped, noticing Hisao was staring at the newspaper clippings.

"Emi won an olympic medal?" he stammered, eyes wide in amazement. This was not what he had expected.

"Yes...well. Yes she did. In relay. That is her with the team." Meiko responded in a oddly subdued voice.

Hisao couldn't think of what to say. He looked up at the beaming girl in the picture and remembered the self loathing girl in the shed. This puzzle didn't add up.

"What...happened?" he sputtered out, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth. Not only was it a much too personal question he knew he would never get an answer to. But is also tattled on the fact that he had seen Emi at her worst recently.

Meiko's smile wavered and she sighed.

"Well it's not for me to say. You know Emi, she would kill me." Her voice turned businesslike. "Now what can I help you with?"

"I...I am actually trying to get in touch with her. I was wondering if you could help me."

Meiko first opened her mouth as if to speak but then raised her eyebrow and frowned. Emi's mother might look a little flaky, like a slightly aging hippie, but she was actually one of sharpest knives in the drawer.

"You don't have her phone number?" she inquired carefully.

"I was actually hoping for her address" Hisao tried. Meiko looked searchingly at him. There was a moment of silence.

"Not responding to your phone calls is she?" Meiko guessed. All the lies and made up reasons in the world raced through Hisao's mind. He rejected them all and shook his head. Meiko sighed.

"If she doesn't want to talk to you ambushing her at her apartment won't help Hisao, you should know that" she continued with a hint of a reprimand in her voice.

"But she has got it all wrong. And she won't let me explain! She thinks I cheated on her!" Hisao blurted out. Meiko was obviously shocked at this.

"Did you?" The previous friendliness disappeared from Emis mother's voice in an instant.

"No!" Hisao tried to find the words. "It's complicated. But no."

"Explain" Meiko's voice was icy, pronouncing each letter with excruciating clarity as she folded her arms across her chest.

"I am divorced since two years back. But I am still using my wife's insurance for my heart medicine. Thus legally we are still married. However we don't live together and she...she has met someone new."

"Continue" Emi's mother's face was unreadable. Hisao started to understand where Emi got the ability to hide her emotions from.

"Emi and I, well we kind of went on a date. Long story short there was an accident and I ended up in the hospital. Emi and Ellen, my wife, met there. From what Ellen told me the meeting didn't go that well."

Meiko raised her brow as if to say:'Is that it?'.

"Ellen... she said Emi was in a wheelchair." Hisao finished. At this Emi's mother face twitched. They shared a moment of worry for the girl they both loved.

"And now she won't talk to you anymore?" she finally responded.

"No. She..." Hisao sighed. "She saved my life". A stab of guilt seared through him as he uettered the words.

"What?" Meiko sounded amazed.

"She single handedly dragged me out of a river. I don't know how. I would have drowned otherwise." Hisao looked down into the ground, not daring to meet Emi's mother gaze. For the first time he reflected on how much danger that must have put Emi in. She could have been hurt. Perhaps she had been. Shame and worry turned his face crimson.

"That is quite a story. I can tell you Emi is ok, I talked to her this morning. But she failed to mention any of this." Meiko's voice was full of repressed anger. But Hisao never considered for a second that perhaps he wasn't the one she was angry with. He just swallowed and turned to leave.

"Wait. Do you have your wife's phone number?" she asked in a softer tone of voice, taking out her own phone.

"Yes! Of course." Hisao answered desperately. Thinking back his misery probably spoke volumes for his case. "Ellen even tried to call her but she wouldn't talk to her either. Please I don't know what to do. I have to..." Meiko took the number, with a gesture of her finger silencing him and walked into the other room closing the door behind her. Hisao waited in the hallway in agony, trying to listen what the Meiko's muffled voice was saying. At last she came back out. She looked slightly exhausted.

"It seems you are not lying. Your wife...Ellen, she is...very direct." she said at last. Hisao's hopes soared. But then Meiko shook her head. "But I am sorry Hisao. Emi obviously doesn't want you to have her address and thus I won't give it to you." When Hisao opened his mouth to argue she added. "That is final."

"I understand. Thank you anyway." Hisao felt miserable. Another chance at happiness. Gone. Somehow he knew he would not get another.

"However." Meiko had that Ibarazaki smile on her face, her eyes twinkling. She shook her shoulders in an attempt to chase away the tension of their previous conversation. "You could...stay for dinner." Hisao frowned, at first not understanding where she was going. Meiko just laughed at his confusion. Teasing most certainly ran in the family.

"Let me put it this way: who knows who else might show up?"


	8. Some things can't be fixed

Emi rolled up the driveway to her mother's house in a foul mood. She was not looking forward to dinner. Having spent the entire day trying to come up with an excuse to why she was back in a wheelchair and coming up with nothing. Nothing credible anyway. Her mother would most most certainly give her the third degree as to why. Most of all she just wanted to be alone. Crawl into a hole and pull the earth back over her. Sleep down in the darkness.

There was nothing worse than being in a wheelchair. She felt so naked without her legs. Given the opportunity she would gladly trade all her other pieces of clothing for them. Better to be naked on the outside than on the inside. For the first time since the incident on the river she smiled. Wonder what people would think? It would be quite a sight. Maybe she would do that one day. There was a weird allure of running naked. Perhaps she could even convince Hisao in joining her. If nothing else it would make for one hell of a date. Emi grinned mischievously to herself.

Then the dark reality of life clouded her daydream. Hisao was in the hospital and she had no intention of ever seeing him again. And she hadn't so much as set her foot on a track in over a year. Actually just rolling the wheelchair up and down the streets was making her feel winded. A year of partying and lack of physical exercise had even started to leave its marks on her body. This morning the mirror had painted an unflattering picture with her blue circles under her eyes and folds on her stomach that hadn't been any before. When she reached the door her foul mood had returned.

"I'm here" Emi called sullenly as the door swung open and she rolled in.

"In the kitchen!" her mother responded brightly.

"It will be some time before dinner is ready" Meiko added in a light tone of voice. Why don't you go into the living room in the meanwhile?" Emi, glad to postpone what was undoubtedly going to be a dire questioning eagerly rolled into the living room. But once within the doorway she froze. One might think that questions such as 'What the hell is he doing here?' would would be the first thing that came to her mind. It wasn't. Actually she didn't think at all. She just felt. Her traitorous insubordinate heart leapt in joy when she saw Hisao there, safe and sound. If she hadn't been in a wheelchair she would have found herself in his arms before any conscious thought would have had a chance to interfer. As it was she regained control just in time to stop herself from racing forwards.

Some part of her face must have also betrayed her because he looked so relieved when he saw her and smiled back. But no, she had made up her mind about the two of them. No going back now. This simply proved what she had already known. That he was under her skin and she had to get him out. So she forced her face into a hard frown and saw the smile fade from his face.

"Please. I just want to know if you are ok. Please. Just talk to me." he begged.

Emi steeled herself and rolled forward. Looks like she had to do this the hard way. She could do this. She was grown woman for christ's sake, not some lovesick teenager. If he could only stop looking at her like that she would be fine. Just fine.

"Ok then. Let's talk. I'm...I'm glad you are ok." She took a place at the table, folded her hands in front of her on the table and faced him head on with her back straight as a ruler. Hisao looked nervous. Good. It made this easier.

"Never mind me. What...what happened to your legs? I mean...were you hurt?" he started with the voice of one approaching a starved lion.

"I'm fine. I just lost one of the legs in the river when.." Then Emi remembered that her mother most certainly was listening and that she would rather not be scolded for diving in after him. "...during our trip." She swallowed her pride and continued. "And I can't afford new ones on my salary." Truth was she had to quit her job because she couldn't even work without her legs. Her already shitty life had most certainly taken yet another turn for the worse. Despite all the emotions Emi almost managed to keep her voice level. Memories of fighting against the muddy river waters flooded back into her. Of being scared to death that she might have lost him. Of that moment he had opened his eyes again. And how he had looked at her. The man had been half dead yet it had seemed that she had been the only thing in the world that had mattered to him. The same look he had on his face right now.

"Surely your insurance must cover stuff like that! And If not I most certainly will!"

"I don't want your charity!" Emi first spat back, letting pride fill her chest. But he looked so adorable in his indignation and worry that she couldn't help herself to continue is a lighter, slightly teasing voice. "And not everyone has friends in high place with great insurance coverage like some of us!" She even caught herself flashing a smile. Damn. This wasn't part of the plan. She was supposed to be breaking up with him, not flirt with him.

"It's not charity! You saved my god damned..." Then Hisao stopped and a surprised look fell across his face. He frowned and looked back at her. "Wait. How do you know about...? I thought..."

Emi turned ash white and then scarlet. She had misspoken. She wasn't supposed to know that. This wasn't working. She couldn't take being close to him for much longer. It hurt too much. And both her tongue and her heart was betraying her. She needed to distance herself from him and fast.

"I want nothing from you. You lied to me. You cheated on me. We are done. Now please leave!" She forced all the lies out through her mouth in a tight stream and pointed towards the door.

"That's not fair honey" Meiko stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her arms folded across her chest just the same way she had when she had scolded Hisao but an hour ago.

"Stay out of this. You know nothing about it!" Emi shot an angry glare at her mother. The anger helped her focus. When she was done with Hisao she would have a word with her dear mother about meddling in her lovelife. Meiko however simply reflected a calm expression back towards her only daughter.

"I know a little bit. You see I spoke to Ellen. And I know you did too." There was a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"What?" Hisao blurted out.

Judging from the expression on Emi's face, if looks could kill Meiko would most certainly be halfway to hell by now.

"She told me you hung up on her!" Hisao looked from Emi to Meiko. Both were staring intently at each other, neither saying a word.

"Yes" Meiko finally responded. "It seems my dear daughter persuaded your wife to tell you that. Why in the name of heaven is beyond me though. Especially if she then proceeds to accuse you of infidelity." She turned back to her daughter.

"I wasn't going to say anything but I can't stand here and let you name him a liar. When in fact you know very well he isn't. Am I wrong?" Meiko eyes bored into Emi. Somehow she could tell she was right by just looking at her daughter. Her face turned even angrier and she clenched her teeth. "I'm so disappointed Emi. And I know your father would be too. This isn't how we raised you."

At this last sentence Emi broke contact with her mother and looked away. Her world, the house of cards she had built around herself, was crashing down around her before her very eyes. She had to get out. Without a word she turned around and started rolling down into the hallway towards the door. Hisao sprinted after her. He caught up with her half ways down the hallway, blocking her passage.

"Emi what's going on?! This doesn't make any sense!"

Perhaps not to him. To Emi it all made perfect sense. Use Hisao supposed infidelity as a way out. A way to shut him out again. A way to keep him from getting close. A way to go cold inside. She had almost half convinced herself that it was actually true. Now instead it had made another truth apparent. That she wasn't worthy of his love.

"It is just as she said. Like I told you before." Emi whispered back, her head still lowered. "I am a disappointment. A loser." Emi shifted her voice into a dangerous tone. "Now get out of my way"

"Why do you keep saying that? It's such bullshit! You must be the strongest person I know!" Hisao stomped his foot and cried out in sheer frustration. His eyes fell on the newspaper clipping on the wall. "You won an olympic medal for heaven's sake! How much more of a winner can you get?" Down the hall he caught Emi's mom silently shaking her head with a terrified look on her face just a split second too late.

Emi broke before his eyes like a mirror hitting the ground, shattering into a thousand pieces. She tore the paper cutout from the board, screeching back at him in a voice he had never heard her use before.

"A winner you say? Oh I'm a real winner all right. Want to know how this 'winner' betrayed everyone who loved her and threw away her life?"

"I know you didn't cheat. But I did! Ok?! And got caught doing it! That's the kind of winner I am! There! I shared! Are you fucking happy now?!"

"Cheated?" Hisao stood dumbfounded. From behind came the answer in Meiko's sad voice.

"Emi's team failed a random blood doping control after their victory." That was it? That was what she had meant with cheating. Why was he so relieved? Emi shook her head from side to side and thrust her finger into the picture. Tears were streaming down her furious face.

"No! Not my team! Me! I failed! Yet all of them lost everything. Team disbanded. Sponsors withdrawn. Medals stripped."

Emi looked at the crumbled up picture of the happy girls. Tears were soaking into the newspaper.

"So don't you dare tell me I am worth a damn." She sunk down into her wheelchair.

"Everyone makes mistakes. You deserve..." Hisao started. But he was in shock and his words came out trembling rather than convincing. Emi lashed back in relentless anger.

"Just words. Meaningless words." She mocked him and sneered. "They trusted me. I betrayed them." She was now like a tempest of fury and hatred. Her rage rolled down the small hallway in waves rushing towards Hisao.

"I deserve nothing." Emi spat out the syllables like a machine gun. "Not forgiveness. Not happiness. Not legs. Not...not love." After the barrage of words she stumbled on the last phrase. At last it seemed her fury was spent. But was there anything left?

"It doesn't work like that honey. You don't get to decide who loves you." Emi's mother was leaning on the wall a few meters behind them. She too, had tears rolling down her face. It must have killed her to see her daughter like this.

"Why do you even want to be with me? Did you hear my mom? I lied to you! And...and I almost got you killed." Emi said to Hisao with utter despair soaking through every note in her voice. One last time she looked at him. But she couldn't bear those eyes and her face fell.

Once the shock wore off Hisao could respond. His voice was tight, controlled. Like he couldn't trust it with what he had to say.

"I understand that you have done some things you are not proud of Emi. But truth is none of that matters a damn to me. However we need to get one thing straight. I would be dead if you hadn't stood victorious but a week ago. And none of that was your god damned fault, no matter how you twist it around! I don't know about you but in my book saving a life sure as hell beats winning a medal. Especially when it is _my_ life. So when you say crap like that you are a loser and and you don't deserve to be happy do you mean that saving my life wasn't worth something?"

"I am alive because of you. And..." Hisao took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "I love you. I want to be with you. Isn't that worth anything?" Never very religious Hisao nonetheless prayed to whatever might be above that his words had reached Emi. That they would somehow rouse the real Emi from the ashes of whatever it was that sat in front of him. She looked...He was terrified with the word he found to describe the girl he loved. She looked crippled.

But Emi said nothing. She simply sat there, head down like she wasn't even alive. Sometimes nothing says no like silence. Hisao swallowed hard, wiped away the first tears with the tip of his sleeve, turned around and walked out the door. He couldn't take this anymore. Outside the night evening air smelled of roses and lost second chances.

Behind the door Emi had finally raised her tearstained face, staring at the place where her former lover had stood but a moment ago. One hand reached tentatively forwards as if to try to stop his memory from leaving her. Then her face contorted and she convulsed into sobs. It seemed she almost crumbled in upon herself, raising her stumps and folding her arms around her knees, head down. A heavy silence hung in the air, only interrupted by the sound of Emi's whimpering. At last a soft voice from behind that split the lull in two.

"What are you doing Emi?" Meiko asked sadly, shaking her head.

"Just stay out of my life! I hate you!" her daughter shot back between the sobs. Emi was close to thirty but sounded more like thirteen. Meiko was unfazed. She simply stroked her crying daughter across the head, ignoring the flapping hands that tried to slap her away.

"You keep pushing everyone away. And piling everything on top of yourself. It's not healthy." Emi gave up on trying to chase away her mother and simply folded in on herself. For a short while Meiko was allowed to sit and comfort her daughter.

"That boy loves you. And so do I." Meiko said at last, crouched down next to Emi.

"I could care less about him!" Emi huffed and pouted in defiance, trying her hardest to bite back the tears that just kept rushing towards the ground. The hatred and fury was back in her eyes. Meiko sighed and rose, wiping tears out of her own eyes. She started walking back into the kitchen but stopped half ways there.

"I don't know what you think you are selling sweetie. But whatever it is I am not buying."

Emi didn't respond. She simply started rolling towards the door.

"You don't even want to stay for dinner?" Meiko sounded hurt.

"No thank you mother." Emi managed with as much spite as she could muster.

Behind her Meiko was rubbing her forehead in frustration over her only child. "Are you at least not hurt? Or what that also a lie?"

"No! I just lost my legs. Can I go now or am I a prisoner here?" Emi pushed down the door handle and was on her way out when her mother snuck up behind her and halted her with a firm grip.

"You can go. But the wheelchair stays here."

"I am supposed to crawl home as punishment is that it?" Emi scoffed back. Outside it was almost dark. The first stars had started to come out. And the roses in the garden was in full bloom.

"If you absolutely have to. Or you could take those."

Emi looked over her shoulder to see what Meiko was referring to. For a split second she actually considered crawling home. There they were, standing in the hallway, absolutely covered in dust. It had been so long that she had almost forgotten that she still had them. The steel blades glinted almost menacing in the light from the street lights that streamed in through the open door.

Her running legs.


	9. Let it all end in fire

The little girl had always liked the family car. It smelled of road trips and take out food. It was the steed that carried her to fun faraway places. Outside the windows wonders would flash by in a seemingly endless stream. Her parents would sing when their favorite tunes came on the radio. The girl would join in. None of them could hold a tune to save their life. But that didn't matter. Together they would caw and laugh at the top of their lungs to whatever tunes came out of the crackling speakers. It had felt like they were singing with the car rather than in the car. Thus she had figured that the car must like her too.

Now the car was killing the little girl. Slowly but surely it was stealing all that she was and would ever be away from her. It had entangled itself around her like a hungry snake, squeezing the life out of her inch by inch. It's metal was pressing into her tiny body, crippling and mangling all that was soft, shattering and breaking all that resisted. Her life was pumping out onto the backseat, pooling up beside her. In exchange for her precious blood the car was forcing an oily smoke back into her, filling her lungs with dirt that could not give her breath.

No matter how she whimpered and cried the car would not release its death grip on it's little prey. When she tried to move her arms they hurt. But she tried to move her legs nothing happened. Panic and terror filled the little girl. From beyond the smoke voices were yelling. She could hardly make out the words. Sparks was flying all over as the metal around her gave away to power tools. Choking and on the verge of slipping into unconsciousness the horrified little girl desperately searched for something, anything to pin her last hopes on. And then she saw him. He was there. Sitting in the front seat looking out the window was her loving father. He would help her. Save her. It would all be alright.

If she stretched she could just reach him. Every movement hurt as the metal cut deeper into her flesh. Yet the girl was strong and determined. So she shook him with all her might but yet he remaining quite still. No matter how she pleaded and begged he would not answer her. A thin spray of red liquid ran down the side on his neck. Mustering what was left of her strength the little girl pushed and rattled and punched at the motionless figure, desperate for any reaction. And in the end finally his head moved and rolled as if to face her. The little girl screamed. For her father no longer had a face.

"DAD!" Emi was torn from her nightmare by her own scream. She was drenched in sweat from head to toe. Gasping for breath she flailed and fumbled around in panic, trying to get out from an imaginary vice. But there was no smoke, no great weight pinning her down, no man without a face next to her covered in blood. Instinctively she reached down towards to the place from where the pain surged through her but found nothing. The legs that weren't there anymore still managed to ache. Left with nothing else she gripped her throbbing stumps and buried her face in the pillow. Before long small lonely sobs broke the stark night silence in the tiny one room apartment.

Finally Emi managed to sit herself up on the bed. This night was lost to her, there would be no more sleep tonight. The nightmares and phantom pains were getting worse, much worse. She couldn't remember the last time the dusk didn't bring terrors for her. Oh wait, she could. The night after Hisao had asked her out. For that one rare night the butterflies in her stomach had held even the nightmares at bay. But thinking about that only brought on more pain. Everything was just pain no matter where she looked. Silently she cursed the world for the lot she was dealt.

She had to get out of her. Go somewhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but this rathole. Perhaps it wouldn't be so much of a rathole if she cleaned it once in awhile she admitted to herself. But what was the point, it wasn't like this place felt like home anyway. A place to sleep yes. But not home. But where could she go? She had no real friends. No money. But she did still have a dress that hadn't yet failed her with regards to getting into clubs without either waiting in line or paying a dime. Emi glanced at the clock. It was just past midnight. Plenty of time to get so wasted she couldn't feel anything anymore. It's not like she had anything to wake up for tomorrow.

Dancing in running legs could be kind of tricky. She had tried it out with her track team once or twice. It usually ended up in a lot of jumping and falling over followed by fits of girly giggles. And running legs are most certainly not the best for looking sexy. But it was what she had. She could hardly touch the legs without being overcome with self loathing. Strapping them on felt like forcing moldy food down her own throat. If her mother had thought pushing them on her would magically cause her to forget everything that had happened the last year and a half she had been dead wrong. Emi used them, she had to. But she also hated them for they were something she didn't deserve. In that sense the wheelchair had felt just right. People like her should not be allowed to walk tall. They should growel in the dirt.

The slinky dress flowed across her shoulders like a liquid and settled just as it should around her figure. It looked more like lingerie than a cocktail dress. Didn't matter, classy wasn't the look she was going for anyway. Emi studied herself critically in the mirror and started applying her makeup. Makeup had started to feel better and better to wear. When she had been younger she hadn't really bothered. Now it was like an extra shield towards the world, another mask she could don, one more wall between herself and everyone else. One more touch up. There. Cute. Sexy. The gleaming steel legs even gave her a slightly dangerous look. With just a hint of desperation. Perfect. This look what get her what she wanted.

Emi walked to the club. She didn't run. She didn't deserve to run. Yet the damned legs kept whispering to her, trying to seduce her away. The flexed and swayed under her just as they should. Like two loaded guns just begging her to squeeze the trigger. Several times she felt her thigh muscles flex instinctively. One time she had to physically place her hand on her leg to stop herself. If she took off she would never stop. Emi was on a stroll alongside two wild tigers and if she let go for a single second they would turn on her and devour her whole.

Finally the neon lights saved her. The tigers stalked back into the shadows and the world opened up and showed a side full of magic where dreams could come true. Emi smirked and strode forward. The trick was to show no fear, no hesitation. Just know that you are the hottest thing without legs and that everyone else will fall in line. Doesn't matter if they are staring at your tits or your legs. In the end it will have the same effect. The poor bouncer didn't even know what to do when the lacey beauty with her steel legs blew him a kiss and casually paraded right pass the line. And not a single voice was raised in challenge.

Once inside Emi started working her magic. This was easy. She was the predator and there were plenty of prey around. The flashing lights and pounding music was the long grass she stalked through. The dance floor and bars her territory. The music streaming from the speakers her hunting cry. And this was one song Emi knew by heart.

* * *

Flash a smile. Flutter those eyelashes. Cosmopolitan.

Chat a little. Fake laugh. Tequila race.

Do a little dance. Grind up against someone's crotch. Long island icetea.

Sit alone at the bar. Look sad, pout and wait for someone to bite. Vodka cranberry.

Pretend to drop something. Bend over, making sure to arch your back like a kittycat. Champagne.

Lots and lots of champagne.

* * *

Laugh. Dance. Let go.

Feel the pain leave your body. Feel free. Stay like this forever.

Stumble and fall. Laugh it off. Have another drink.

Words in your ear. Lips on your mouth. Unwanted hands on your body.

Try to go with it. Close your eyes. Whisper the wrong name.

Blush. The illusion shatters. Flee.

* * *

Stumble to the backroom. Almost wet yourself. Throw up.

Catch reflection in the mirror. Cringe. You are disgusting.

Tears come back. With a vengeance. Legs ache and tingle.

Collapse. See pity in the eyes of the others. Hear them talk about the wreck on the floor.

Call his name in vain. Call for mother, call for father. No one answers.

Forget where you are. Throw up again. Close your eyes.

* * *

Last thing Emi remembered from that night was someone picking her up. And carrying her off somewhere. The night smiled and showed her a thousand colors when she tried to see where. The music faded and unknown voices laughed and screamed around her. She heard a car door close. Next thing there was the soft feel of a bed that was not her own under her. And a hand that wasn't her own undressing her. The world went black again.


	10. Bouncing back from the bottom

Light streamed in from the open window onto Emi's face. She grunted, squinted her eyes and swallowed hard in an attempt to get the taste of vomit out of her mouth. Outside she could hear cars whizzing by, birds singing and the laughter of school children. The sun was high in the sky. It must be close to noon. Emi tried to rise but quickly sunk down again. Her head was killing her.

She was lying in a large bed in a small room filled with closets. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Girl's clothes. A girl's room. One windows opened into the street below and an open door lead out into what looked like a kitchen. From within Emi could see shadows moving and the sounds of plates and glasses that clinked against each other. Someone had removed her legs for her. Looking down Emi also noticed she no longer wearing her dress. Instead she had on a pair of light blue pyjamas too large for her. The pyjamas had cats and hearts on them. It smelled familiar. From where did she remember this smell? Emi closed her eyes and tried to remember. Where could she be?

"You look like shit" came a high pitched voice from the doorway. Emi looked up again. Leaning against the doorframe wearing a pink robe was a short curvaceous girl with long black hair, currently tied up in a messy bun. She was sipping a cup of tea, a sceptical look on her finely lined beautiful face. Like Emi she was missing both her legs, instead wearing jet black running legs under her robe.

"Bouncy?" The girl's name was really Beatrice but she had been nicknamed Bouncy by her running mates in the olympic squad. Partly because of her personality but mostly because of the running style her ample assets granted her. Most girls who ran track, like Emi herself, tended to develop a somewhat slender physique. But not Bouncy.

"Long time no see" Bouncy saluted back, raising her teacup. "Feeling better?" Emi nodded mutely. Bouncy picked up a tray off the floor next to her and walked up to the bed. It held a tall glass of orange juice, some yogurt and a single piece of plain toast. She started handing Emi the tray, holding it back at the last second to issue a warning.

"If you barf on my bed I WILL kill you. Ok?"

Emi nodded cautiously again and accepted the tray. She took a sip of the juice and little bit of toast. Her stomach complained but stayed still.

"Where are my clothes?" she wondered carefully. Bouncy nodded her head back towards the kitchen.

"In the washer. You were NOT wearing those in my bed! Do you know how utterly disgusting they were? I had to wipe you down to get the worst of the filth off you as well." Bouncy shuddered at the memory and took another sip of her tea as if to wash the feeling away. Emi felt the heat rise to her face and snapped back without thinking in what was without a doubt an unthankful tone of voice.

"No one asked you to do that! I..."

"Oh yeah, you were doing just fine." Bouncy noted sarcastically. "Just having a little nap in a pool of your own piss and vomit were you? Seriously Emi. What the fuck?"

Emi didn't know how to respond to that. She just glared at Bouncy in defiance. But her old teammate was having none of it.

"I woke my boyfriend up in the middle of the night to carry you back here, tidied you up and then slept on the couch. Which isn't that comfortable I can tell you. So you can drop the attitude or you can get out."

Something inside Emi burst like a dam and the tears started flowing out. She started getting out of the bed. Clearly she wasn't wanted here. But she didn't get very far before she lost her balance and almost fell out of the bed. But Bouncy was there to catch her, embracing her tightly. At first Emi froze but then she threw her arms around Bouncy and proceeded to take her advice to drop the attitude.

"Oh Bouncy I am so sorry. Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you so much." Emi sobbed into the fine pink robe. Just now she started to realized what could have happened to her had Bouncy not found her and taken care off her.

"Don't sweat it. As I recall you did something similar for me in Prague, remember?" Bouncy voice was much softer as she helped Emi back onto the bed.

Emi's mushy face radiated gratitude. Bouncy handed her a napkin and she blew her nose and started to dry the tears.

"Thank you. I owe you. If there is ever anything..." But before she could finish Bouncy silenced her with an evil smile and walked over to the closet next to bed. After digging around for a bit she dug out an old tracksuit. She walked back to Emi who looked upon it in confusion. Bouncy held it up as if to measure the size against Emi. Then she nodded and threw it on the bed.

"It's a bit big, but it will have to do." Bouncy then walked to a corner of the room and picked something else up. Emi's legs. Her slategrey running legs.

Realized what Bouncy had in mind Emi froze up and stared back at her host in terror.

"Eat up. And then suit up." Bouncy commanded and started stretching her arms.

"I don't really..." Emi started. Bouncy apparently could care less.

"Tough luck. You owe me remember? If there was anything I wanted? Well I want to go for a run. So get your lazy hungover arse in gear."

* * *

Emi knew she was out of shape. But she had no idea it was this bad. After ten steps she was panting. After a hundred her throat was burning. When they are reached the park just two blocks away her legs were on fire. Yet for all that Emi hadn't felt this good in a long long time. No, it was more than feeling good. It was the feeling of being whole again.

Just put one foot in front of the other. All of life boiled down into that next step. No complicated decisions, no confusing feelings, no intrusive thoughts. Just put one foot in front of the other. That's it. Emi's mind went blank in what almost felt like sleep after staying awake too long. It was just her and the ground beneath her. Ever so surely her legs started guiding her back away from the dark place she had been stuck in and back into the world. What did it matter how much her legs hurt when her heart for once didn't? Emi never wanted to stop.

After having rounded the park Bouncy did however. Then Emi realized exactly how tired she was and collapsed on the side on the track, panting heavily but with a stupid wide grin on her face. She laid on her back looking up at the clouds. Had the sky always been this blue? And the trees that green?

"Fastest thing with no legs my foot. My toaster is faster than you." Bouncy teased Emi and lightly kicked her side. Emi smiled back and sat up, still not with enough breath to speak. She studied her running mate who had pulled out two water bottles, handing one to Emi. Bouncy didn't even seem to be out of breath. She must have stopped for Emi's sake. Probably a good idea for the fittings for her legs arched dangerously, no longer used to running.

"Why are you doing this Bouncy? Why did you help me?" Emi asked when she finally caught her breath.

"Huh?" Bouncy looked back between gulping down water. She took the bottle and poured the rest over her head. "Because I am not an asshole?"

"But don't you hate me? I mean after what I did to you?" Emi managed but could not look her old teammate in the eyes.

"What did you do to me?" Emi couldn't tell if the question was rhetorical or if Bouncy was honestly wondering. Then she put on a teasing air. "Did you get handsy with my boyfriend or something?" Emi stuck out her tongue.

"You know. At the olympics."

"Oh that" Bouncy put her head to one side and laughed "No I don't hate you for that." she said casually and starting to flexing her legs.

"Why? I betrayed you all!" Emi blurted out.

"What would be the use? What's done is done. And if you ask me the person you betrayed was yourself. Not me." She put her leg up on a bar and started stretching out her impressive thigh muscles. Her black running legs shone in the midday sun.

"Besides. You might have been the one who got caught but it's not like you were the only one who was on the stuff." Bouncy continued casually.

"What? You mean that you..."

"Me? No, I never touched that shit." Bouncy snorted in disgust. "But Kaori ended up at a hospital with a blood clot just three weeks after you stormed off. Now why would someone at her age get something like that do you think?" Emi bit her tongue and closed her eyes. Kaori had been the youngest member of their track team. A real fighter, in peak condition. Also the one who had introduced Emi to the needles in the first place.

"Will she be...Is she alright?"

Bouncy shook her head. "The clot got to her head. She's a vegetable. I went to see her. There was nothing left." The older girl sighed. "And after that three more girls mysteriously decided that track wasn't for them. So yeah I am willing to wager what is left of my legs that you weren't the only one."

Emi just sat there in silence, not knowing what to say.

"You really want to know what I think?"

Emi nodded.

"I think that perhaps instead of feeling sorry for yourself you should be thankful you got busted. It could have been a hell of a lot worse. At least you still have your health. As pathetic as it might be." Bouncy raised an eyebrow at the still red faced Emi who had clearly not recovered from their short run quite yet.

"And you know just because you were a stupid ass back then doesn't mean you have to continue along that same path. Right?" Peering meaningfully down at Emi it looked like Bouncy was trying to remind her of why that had met again in the first place.

"I guess not" Emi admitted with a pained laugh. Painful because of how right Bouncy was.

"So I won't have to worry about finding you on any bathroom floors when I feel like getting my groove on anymore?"

Emi was so ashamed. Hearing Bouncy lay it out like this made her realize exactly what an idiot she had been. Bouncy had the right idea. What's done is done. Moping around would not undo anything she had done. And if the dice had rolled a different way she might have been the one in that hospital bed. She had fought like hell to regain her life after the accident that stole her legs. Was she willing to give all that up for this? Was this what her dad would have wanted for her? The answers were rather obvious.

What the hell had she been doing with her life this last year? It was as if the short run had lifted the veil from her mind. And along with that newfound clarity came the old hunger. A hunger that she knew she would not be able to drench in liquor or scare away with nightmares. A hunger that could only be sated by running. Even now, exhausted as she was, the tigers in her legs were screaming for more. Sure her life was still in shambles. But she would be damned if she let it stay that way.

"No. When I get back into shape I would worry more about trying to keep up if I were you. Especially at your age." Emi managed a shy smile. Bouncy was just one year older than Emi. It had been a running gag between them that Bouncy was getting too old for professional competitions.

Bouncy laughed a high and clear laugh. Her face lit up in pure joy and she punched her younger teammate playfully.

"That's more like it!"

After that the girls finished stretching and started packing up their stuff. Bouncy got a phone call from what sounded like work and had to get going. After a hug they started heading their separate ways out of the park.

"Hey Emi" Bouncy called back just as Emi was walking away.

"Yes?" Emi responded curiously.

"Were you serious about getting back in shape?" Bouncy advanced on Emi. This time she had a serious, almost dangerous note in her voice. Emi, still fragile, got scared by the sudden change in tone. What did she mean?

"I...I didn't...I mean I hope..." she started.

"No, that's not good enough." Bouncy cut her off mid sentence, shook her head and pinned Emi in place with her eyes. "Are you serious about it?"

"Yes!" Emi heard herself say with fierce conviction. Bouncy nodded thoughtfully. She picked up her bag, dug around a bit and took up a small card and handed it over. The card read 'Beatrice Yamamoto. Lead Instructor. Miyagi Center for Physical Therapy'. Emi looked up with a baffled look on her face. Bouncy was fixing Emi with daring glare that had more than a little challenge in it.

"If you really are, give me a call. We could use someone full of energy with the ability to inspire and who has experience with disabilities." Bouncy tilted her head and bopped Emi on the nose. "Someone like you. But don't bother showing up looking like a zombie with a beer belly." Her old teammate grinned a savage grin and proceeded to flick Emi's stomach with her finger. Emi blushed. Bouncy sure could be brutal. But then she continue in a slightly more serious voice. "Or with sores on your legs because you exceeded your limits. Ok?"

"Ok" Scolded Emi's face was now so red that she could easily have been mistaken for a tomato. Bouncy smiled, gave Emi a quick kiss on the cheek and turned to walk away. With her back to Emi she called back one last time.

"What you need is a running partner. Not me. Someone that is just as much of a wreck as you are. And who cares about you enough to stop you when you push yourself too hard. Do you have someone like that?"

At those words Emi heart started pounding in her chest and it had nothing whatsoever to do with her being out of shape. Did she have someone like that? Or was it too late?

 _Author's note: Next chapter will be the last one. Plus an epilogue. Will try to post both at the same time._


	11. Don't be late

Emi had spent the morning dressing and redressing. Applying and removing makeup. Staring into the mirror. Twice she had had to phone her mother for moral support when it blatantly refused to show her what she was looking for. In the end she had just taken a shower and thrown on shorts and a t shirt. And her running legs which had carried her here. So the end result was something slightly different from the cute and fresh image she had wanted to portray. Her hair was a mess, she had pit stains on her shirt and was huffing and puffing from the run in a very unfeminine manner. Still she was here. At the foot of the staircase to the main building of Yamaku Academy waiting for the bell to ring.

At last the familiar signal rang out and students started streaming down the staircase. Some threw her glances, her legs clearly drawing attention. Emi stretched to her full height, trying to sort out the familiar black haired mop from the crowd. Why did she have to be so short? Even many of the student were taller than she was. For a moment she got scared that she would miss him. But then she heard a familiar voice coming down the stairs. Hisao was walking down the stairs talking to several students who were all hanging on his every word. His hands was gesticulating enthusiastically.

"So you see, it's exactly the same principle as..."

And then he looked up and saw her. He stopped dead in his tracks and his jaw fell open. His students searched around his a confused look as to why their teacher had suddenly stopped talking. And then all of the wandering eyes found Emi who suddenly found herself the center of everyone's attention. She blushed.

"Let's pick this up tomorrow" Hisao recovered and nodded towards his students who bowed and continued down the staircase gossiping furiously. More than one of them looked back to throw another curious look at Emi. Hisao took a few steps down the stairs.

"Hey" he said at last.

"Hey" Emi responded. She so longed for him to look at her the way he had last time they met. Like she was the only thing in the world. He didn't. Instead his eyes were kind of neutral. Not hostile, but not inviting. And with none of that spark in them. Still Emi dug deep and found some courage.

"I...I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For treating you like shit. I was...no. I am a mess." She wanted to look down into the ground but didn't. Instead she looked him straight in the eyes.

"But I'm trying. To get my life back together again." She awkwardly yet at the same time proudly showed him the running legs she had on, hoping for some kind of reaction. A smile. Something. But this time it was his face that was unreadable. So this is what it felt like, Emi thought. Being shut out. No wondered he had hated it.

"So are you coming back to work?" Hisao continued casually, still stonewalling her.

"No" Emi shook her head but didn't know how to continue. 'I just wanted to see you again' is what she wanted to say. But her courage was failing her. His face looked so hard.

"Been trying to get back into shape again." She tried instead.

"That's good" Hisao responded and nodded seriously.

"And..." Emi swallowed hard. At some point she had to put herself on the line. "I could really use a friend. A running partner?" She felt like she was laying her whole heart bare. It was so uncomfortable she wanted to crawl out of her skin. But it was the only thing she could think of doing. Lies and keeping up appearances was not going to help her here.

"Please?" She tried to smile but instead her voice cracked and wavered. Hisao just looked down at her from his position further up the stairs. At last a sad look fell across his head and he shook his head.

"I don't think I can be just friends with you" he said at last with a finality in his voice. The part of Emi that she had tried to keep cold blossomed at his words. She didn't want to be just friends and part of her wanted to scream that at the top of her lungs. But she had figured that out too late. The way he said the words made it clear that which she really wanted was no longer an option.

Emi nodded and pushed back the tears. It was over. She had fucked it up. Like everything else. No she couldn't afford to think like that anymore! She would just have to deal with it. But at this point she was so god damned tired of breaking down in front of people. So with one last weak smile Emi turned and started walking down the stairs before her emotions overwhelmed her.

Fortunately she didn't get very far. Second chances are rare. Third chances? Almost unheard of. Almost.

"Wait!"

"Yes?" Emi whipped around so fast she almost fell over and had to steady herself at the railings. If she was trying to keep cool she failed horribly. A more desperate and utterly longing word had never left her mouth. Hisao himself was looking conflicted and miserable. At last he set his jaw and took a deep breath. But looking up at her again seemed to give him pause and he let the breath go. Mumbling something that sounded an awful lot like 'fuck it' under his breath.

"8 sharp tomorrow. You know where. Don't be late."

 **The End**


	12. Epilogue: Learning how to break

Many years later Yui Ibarazaki was lying on her bed bawling her eyes out like only a teenager could. She was at that special age where her heart was so much larger than her mind and the world tended to shift from pure black to pure white at the bat of an eyelid. And right now Yui's world was very very black. Her overdone mascara was soaking into the pillow and her tiny fist was pummeling the bed in raw fury.

The door to the bedroom opened and a foot stepped onto the floor. A foot not made of flesh and bone but of metal and plastic. Inside a million tiny engines wizzed and purred as it raised itself to the mimicked toes and finally lifted off the ground altogether to take another step. Behind it another one followed just as smoothly. Directed from above by an endless stream of tiny commands that flowed into the engines from where they connected with the living flesh of Yui's mother the artificial legs eagerly carried her to Yui's bedside.

"What's the matter?" she asked and patted her crying daughter gently.

"I hate my life." Yui screamed into the pillow.

"What is it you don't like about it sweetie?" Yui's mother tried, slightly worried.

"Everything! My ugly face, my stupid hair, my weird name." There was of course one single other thing that caused Yui to feel so upset but she wasn't quite ready to talk about that yet. Her mother instinctively knew this.

"What kind of name is Ibarazaki anyways!" Yui raged. "Why couldn't you have taken dad's name like everyone else does?" She looked accusingly at her mother who simply laughed.

"Actually it was his idea. Your dad had been married once before, remember? You actually met her when you were little before she moved overseas. Anyway when we married he thought taking my name would be a nice change." Yui's mother stroked her across her hair, straightening it out. "And you are the sweetest thing that ever walked this earth. Nothing you say will ever convince me otherwise."

"Then why does it hurt so much? I feel like I am breaking apart from the inside" Yui said as she collapsed into sobs. At this point it became rather apparent that her name wasn't really what was troubling her.

"I know honey. I know. But everyone breaks from time to time. It can't be avoided. Sometime life breaks you. Sometimes you break yourself. The trick is to try to pick up the pieces and put them back together again."

"I don't know how I can go back" Yui muttered.

"Who said anything about going back? Breaking apart gives you the chance to forge yourself anew. To be something more that what you were before. To more forward."

'Easy for you to say' or 'What do you know about it?' might have been the kind of responses most teenagers would have shot back. But not Yui. She knew exactly what her mother was talking about. They had spend long nights where her mother had talked about her life. The accident that took her legs. The death of grandpa. Her troubled youth. About all of the mistakes she made. Still, or perhaps because of all that Yui adored her mother. She might be standing on steel legs but her real strength lay in her will and heart. That was what Yui wanted to live up to. Where she wanted to be just like her mother.

Seeing her daughter's troubled face Emi kissed Yui on her forehead and got rewarded with a shy smile. Emi got up from the bed and put her hands at her hips.

"What you need is to clear your mind! Besides! We are Ibarazaki girls! We don't sulk! Right?" Yui wiped her eyes and nodded. Still looking miserable.

"Moooom! We are going to be late!" called another voice from downstairs.

"Coming sweetie" Emi quickly called back before turning back to Yui.

"What do we do?" she pressed on. Yui knew where this was going and managed a weak smile. She reached for her sneakers at the foot of the bed. Beside her Emi beamed with pride as Yui started to lace them up. Yui dried the last of her tears and got to her feet. She looked into her mother's loving eyes and gave her the answer she knew was true for both of them.

"We run."

 _Authors note: First story I have managed to actually finish! Got to say it was a blast. Sure it's a pretty naive piece where the story could have been a lot better (Mostly because I made it up as I went along without any real sense of direction. The Ellen part especially kind of showed that.) and my language and writing style definitely leaves a lot to be desired (The way I structure dialogue especially bugs me when I look at it in retrospect. Also there are several wordings and phrases I am way too keen on using). Well live and learn I guess. But overall I'm pretty damn proud of myself for seeing it through._

 _Hope you all enjoyed the story! And big thanks for the feedback and corrections!_


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